


Tobias and Tucker

by dawniekins18



Series: Liability [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Discipline, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Fluff, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Male Slash, Slash, Spanking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-17
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-08 18:10:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/764429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawniekins18/pseuds/dawniekins18
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tobias has managed to survive a devastating childhood. Can he change to make a better future?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Tobias and Tucker**

 

********

 Food had always been a battle. Most would probably guess on the scale of things being gay, growing up in multiple foster and group homes, or the fact he was only 5’4ft tall would be bigger handicaps. But his biggest enemy, his largest trial, and the battle he was always fighting, was eating. Not that he was overweight; in fact it was the exact opposite.  Eating was something to control when everything else was falling apart, which it usually was.

 He was the smartest at not eating too. He never let himself get overly thin. People would notice that, the trick was to be thin enough, so the wanting could distract you. Focusing on the hunger was easier than focusing on the damage and pain caused to him by the more than long line of people willing to remind him of how worthless he was. Being hungry was easier than being sad. He controlled it like scientist. He could be 125 pounds without comments from most people. If he got to 120 in the summer, it was too noticeable, but doable in the winter. It was 115, the number that meant questions would be asked, doctors might be notified, and things would crumble even more than they already had. The magic number, his favorite, the one he strived for, was 117. He like the number seven and he could get away with it easily in the winter, but had to pack a few pounds in the summer, making it semi-unattainable. Doable, but hard to maintain. A challenge. He needed a challenge he could manage because most of his life had been a series of events completely out of his control.

Tobias Nelson had been born to a normal family, Dad, Mom, annoying little sister, the whole nine yards.  He had 13 painfully average years filled with happiness, birthday parties, grade schools, and Christmases.  If he had realized how lucky he had been, he would have appreciated it more. He would have been nicer to his sister, helped his mom more, and spent more time with his dad- who always seemed to want to go fishing on Saturday morning’s at 5:00 am.

But then, the painful horrible thing happened, and Tobias’s once normal, average, happy life was gone. 

His parents and little sister all died in a house fire while he was at a sleepover. His crazy, drunk uncle had torched the place in an effort to get back at his dad for being a key witness at a trial that had put his uncle in jail for ten years. Blood is thicker than water, but the girl he had savagely raped had been a family friend. She had committed suicide a year later. Tobias’s dad always said he never regretted putting an animal in its cage. 

The state of Michigan had only kept him that cage for fifteen years. A lawyer had wanted to sue the state on his behalf, but his state guardian hadn't signed off. He lost everything. 

As luck would have it, besides his 85 year old Grandma who was living in a nursing home, Tobias’s only living family was serving out three consecutive life sentences in a federal prison for three murders committed.  Sometimes he wished it had been four.

This tragedy changed his entire life. While an attractive kid, he was always small for his age. He unfortunately took after his 5’0 Korean mother instead of his 6’1 Irish father. He was bullied mercilessly in his group homes, foster homes, and every school he was ever sent too.  Five long years of being punched, pushed, and punished by clueless foster parents and teachers who assumed he was the problem because he was the one who was different or the problem foster kid.

When he realized he was gay, the bullying seemed to intensify.  Or maybe he just imagined it had because now he believed he had something to be bullied for. 

When he turned 18, he was promptly kicked out of the system and into the real world. The real world actually seemed to be a bit kinder. By this time, he hadn’t been eating normally for almost three years. When a particularly wicked foster brother began stealing the food off his plate, he just stopped eating, and never seemed able to start again. It was welcome distraction to be hungry instead of being unloved, miserable, and bruised. 

He got his own apartment, put himself through four years at a state college (with significant financial aid and loans) to become a nurse, and begin his life.

When he thinks back, he can see the irony. If he really hadn’t wanted help, why would have he worked in the one place where someone was bound to notice his condition?

Because at University of Michigan Hospital, there were hundreds of doctors, med-students, and other medical personal, one of them was going to notice him. And when he did, it changed Tobias’s life.

***********************

“Hey sweetie, you’re looking a little thin? Have you been eating?”

“Three meals a day Shirley. Morning, noon, and night.”  Tobias smiles at the motherly charge nurse. She had been a problem in the past; making him stick at 124, just to be safe.  He had gotten light headed one day when he was teetering at 115, and she had been the one to get him the orange juice. Now she watched him closely. If he didn’t shrug her off soon, he would try switching to another department. The ER was a little hectic for him anyway.

“Well then get ready baby, we have a three car pileup coming in with three critical victims. Dr. Tucker requested that you meet him in Trauma One.”

Tobias nods and hurries to his locker to ditch his backpack and heavy coat.

He is putting on his protective gloves when two other nurses and Dr. Tucker slam into the room yelling orders over the screaming patient who appears to have a large piece of glass sticking out of her stomach.

An hour later, after coding twice, the patient has died,, and Tucker has called it. Tobias is alone cleaning up the body for the morgue. To him, this is the one of worst parts about being a nurse. He likes caring for the living patients much more, even the obnoxious ones.

“Hey.”

He didn’t hear anybody walk in. Tobias looks up to see Tucker watching him intently.

“Hi.”

“How are you?”

Tobias gives him a mystified look but answers. Tucker isn’t known for making overly friendly conversation, especially with nurses. He is caring, but incredibly professional.

“I’m good. Thank you for asking. Is there anything I can help you with, Dr. Tucker?”

Tucker nods and motions for him to follow. Tobias quickly finishes with the dead patient, he’s relieved he never learned more about her… it makes it easier. He catches up to Tucker who is already halfway down the hall. Patience is not one of the man’s strongest points.

“I have a teenage boy in curtains. I am moving him to a more private area for further examination.”

Tobias looks at him, waiting for him to continue.

“He has obviously been…violated… I would like you and Shirley to come with me to help out.”

Tobias nods. This is common. Shirley is motherly and comforting if that’s what the kid needs, Tobias is small and non-threatening. Dr.Tucker, while a very nice guy, is 6’3 and packed like brick shit house. He would scare the kid without their help, and these exams are already difficult.

“Could you and Shirley go grab the kid from curtain three and meet me in exam room four?”

Tobias nods and moves toward the nurses’ station.                                                                                                        

While he and Shirley are wheeling the boy to the exam room, the both notice him gravitating toward Shirley, which decided for them how the would do this. She would comfort the kid while Tobias helped the doctor.

“Can you tell us who hurt you, Sam?”

Tucker is gently treating the patient while asking a few questions. They try to get as much out of the some patients as they can for when the parents and police arrive. It makes it easier for everyone involved, especially if the damage was caused by one of the parents.

But Sam is not paying any attention to Dr. Tucker. His eyes are focused on Tobias while his hand grips onto Shirley.

“This is your fault.”

Tobias has a feeling he knows where this is going. He starts taking of his gloves and backing away from the patient.

“Fags like you made this happen.”

Tobias moves toward the door. He sees Laura outside with an older woman in a wheelchair. They can switch jobs.

“Fucking fags like you made this happen.” Sam repeats angrily. “You’re disgusting.”

He walks out of the room. It’s not the first time a patient has said something like that, and it won’t be the last. In fact, he can’t even blame Sam. If he was in his position he would be looking for someone to blame too. The only difference is, he is the type of person that would rather blame himself.

Laura hands Mrs. Jensen off to him and goes to assist with the rest of the exam without question. 

“Oooh an upgrade. And a cute one at that.” Mrs. Jenson’s wink makes him grin.

You win some, and you lose some.

He spends the next ten hours treating fifteen patients who all seem to be critical or worse. After securing five them intensive care beds, three general admits, and cleaning up seven more for the morgue, he is more than ready to go home.  He is exhausted as he puts on his coat, and makes a run for the door, praying he doesn’t get stopped by anyone needing help.

He sees Tucker waiting by the exit. Their eyes meet.  Damn, he hates being committed to making friendly conversation.

“Hey, I’m sorry about what happened with the kid earlier. He started sobbing the moment you left; I don’t think he meant it.”

“I know that. It was fine. I’ve been called worse. Have a goodnight.”

Dr. Tucker follows him outside as he walks toward the bus stop.

 “Really? You’ve been called worse?”

Tobias internally sighs, so much for a quick escape, and gives him a look.

“You don’t look like I do and not get called worse.”

“What’s wrong with the way you look? You’re adorable, everyone loves you. I hear three times a day about how much someone wants force feed or snuggle you.”

“Yeah well, some people find that offensive. I give off a vibe. It is what it is. We all have our burdens to bear. Excessive snuggling is one of mine.”

Tucker snorts. “I didn’t know you could make jokes.”

“I'm a man of mystery.”

Tucker smiles widely, and Tobias can’t help but feel himself blush and ducks his head.

“Oh yeah, definitely adorable, can I give you a ride home?”

Tobias shakes his head. “I take the bus.”

“I know. Most people don’t really enjoy that.”

“I like the bus.”

Tucker looks mystified.

“It stops right in front of my apartment complex.”

“I can stop right in front of your apartment. And it is freezing out today. I insist.”

Tobias opens his mouth to protest, but then closes it. It is really cold outside. The short walk to the bus stop had been killer in the early afternoon, and now it’s late and dark outside. It will only be colder. Plus, how bad could it be?

“This looks like a restaurant.”

“Brilliant deduction Watson.”

“You’re the doctor.”

“Good point, but I am also a great detective.”

Tobias rolls his eyes. “Why are we at a restaurant?”

“You look like you could use a meal.”

Tobias finds himself bullied into the corner booth of the small family restaurant. Before he can say yes or no, he has a large glass of milk in front of him and a grilled cheese special on the way.

“Milk and grilled cheese? Do I look like an eight year old?”

“Not quite. But you do look like you could use some comfort food and calories.”

“I can order for myself, just so you know.”

Tucker shrugs and takes a drink of the hot, decaf coffee in front of him.

“I have actually wanted to take you to dinner for a while now. You are an elusive one, Tobias Nelson.”

Tobias is surprised by this and is sure it shows in his face. Not a lot of men are usually jumping to take him to dinner, especially not hot doctors. He is too shy and not particularly sexy. Cute and sweet? Maybe. Sexy? Definitely not.

“I finally had to ask Shirley how to get you. She mentioned the bus. And here we are.” Tucker smiles happily and pushes his milk toward him as encouragement.

Damn Shirley. She talks way too much.

He takes a sip of the milk as appeasement.  Tucker gives him a nod to drink more, and Tobias finds himself obeying. Tucker did not get be an attending at one of the top hospitals in the country without having a powerful personality. Doctors, nurses, and patients followed his lead without question, and it seems he holds that power outside of the work place too.

Their food comes relatively quickly. The waitress seems to know Tucker, and Tobias seems to think that might have something to do with the speed their order arrives.

“So Nurse Nelson, what is your favorite book?”

Tucker digs into his large order of spaghetti and eats hungrily, patiently waiting for Tobias to respond.

Apparently he reserves all his patience for the hours outside the workplace.

“Um… I like a lot of books. It’s hard to pinpoint a favorite.”

Tobias slowly picks at his grilled cheese, not really planning on eating it. He had a chicken salad at lunch, which was more than enough for the rest of the day. 

“Well than tell me a few that you’ve read recently.”

“I just read _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_ ,” Tobias says with a blush. Not exactly the most mature reading material.

“Ah the Harry Potter series is big comfort read to me. I love them too.”

They discuss the finer point of JK Rowling’s magical world while Tucker makes his way through his dinner, and Tobias craftily plays with his.

“Ok Tobias, you can eat some of that, or we can sit here all night, it’s up to you.”

Tucker pushes back his empty plate and folds his hands in front of him, giving Tobias a very pointed look. He hasn’t been fooled.

“I'm sorry. I’m not really hungry, don’t worry I will pay for it.”

‘’That’s not what I care about. It’s after midnight and you have been working twelve hours with only a thirty minute lunch break. Now I know you’ve had a hard day, but I refuse to send you home with an empty stomach, especially considering the looks of you. You’ve obviously been too busy to eat properly lately.”

Tobias is tired. It’s late, and Tucker doesn’t look like he is going to give in. He eats two-thirds of the sandwich and drinks most of the milk.

He figures he just won’t eat tomorrow. No one will notice, and hopefully he won’t get to 126. He doesn’t like that number.

On the car ride home, he feels his eyes drifting shut before he jerks them back open. He coughs a few times, and sees Tucker eye him." 

"How long have you had that?" 

"It's just a cold." He's always had a hard time kicking the little bugs he catches. 

Tucker looks like he wants to say more, but he stays silent. 

When they reach his apartment a bit outside Ann Arbor where rent is much cheaper, Tucker walks him up.

His hands are cold, and his dead on his feet. Tucker takes his keys and opens the door for him, following him into his small, neat apartment.

“I had a lot of fun with you at dinner. Would you like to go see the new Harry Potter movie with me on Friday?” Tucker looks big in his tiny apartment that usually just holds him.

Tobias’s first reaction is to say no. Then he remembers how lonely he has been for such a long time, and how nice Tucker is, buying him dinner, giving him a ride. Also he has known him for over almost year, and he knows this isn’t a facade. Tucker is a sweet guy. And whether or not he is gay, it would be nice to have a friend.

“Sure. I guess we can do that. It sounds fun.”

Tucker smiles and moves in for a quick peck on Tobias’s lips.

Tobias blushes and looks at his shoes. Gay for sure then. He owes Laura $20. Girl has an amazing gaydar.

“Great I will pick you up at six. We both have it off. See you at work tomorrow. Be sure to lock up behind me.”

As soon as Tucker is out the door, Tobias locks it as instructed and plops down on his couch.

What just happened?

**************************

The next day at work is business as usual although he does see Tucker a bit more than average. He joins him at lunch, and again bullies him into eating more than he intended by insisting on sharing his sandwich and snacks after Tobias lies about forgetting his lunch.

Tobias is known for refusing to eat the cafeteria food. Most people assume it’s because of the taste, and to be honest that is a large part of it. But it is also a way to avoid questions when he would rather go outside or to the break room to eat where there are less people to comment on his too small appetite.

He hopes Tucker doesn’t make this into an everyday thing.

After a long day of chasing a large family of six kids, all under ten, all with a case of the flu, Tobias was more than happy when his shift was over. The two sickest kids had been moved to pediatrics for observation for their high fevers, while the others had been taken home by Dad after being re-hydrated. Mom, despite be exhausted, was staying at the hospital. Finally, after making sure they were all settled for the night, Tobias was heading home, only thirty minutes after his shift was supposed to have ended.

“Hey cutie. Get in.”

Tobias guiltily hides the cigarette he had just pulled out when he hears a familiar voice.

“That better not be what I think it is.” Tucker’s voice is disapproving.

Tobias slips it into his bag, and gets in the car.

“I know they’ll kill me. I only smoke when I am overly stressed.”

Tucker gives him a knowing look.

“Yeah, I know. But I am telling the truth.”

They hear that excuse ten times a day usually from someone with an oxygen tank.

Before Tobias can protest, they are outside the same restaurant.

“I can feed myself.” Tobias say exasperated.

“Not from what I’ve seen.”

Inside the restaurant, Tobias orders coffee before Tucker can interject. Unfortunately, Tucker then orders them both decaf and the meat loaf special. Tobias thinks about fighting it, but the waitress quickly moves away. It’s obvious whose side she is on.

She brings him milk. With a straw. Being short with floppy hair is sometimes more trouble than it is worth. He tried shaving his head once to make him look tougher, but he just looked ridiculous. Being coddled is just something someone his size has to endure. Especially from older women who make a living off it, like waitresses and unfortunately nurses.

Tucker’s eyes force him to drink half of the milk before their food arrives. Someone should tell the CIA about his looks, suspects would break in minutes.

“You’re going to love the meatloaf. Best in the city, no contest.”

Tobias nods.

“Why are you stressed?” Tucker’s eyes are penetrating.

Tobias thinks for a moment, and then remembers his cigarette from earlier.

“Just a busy day.”

“Liar, but I’ll let it go this time.”

Tobias blushes. He is lying, but he has never known someone in his adult life who would call him on it.

The truth is, his student loans are killing him. He is still $15,000 in debt and struggling to keep up the payments with his lower salary as a younger nurse. He also works five, twelve hour shifts a week that are emotionally and physically exhausting him.  And a cute doctor asked him on a date. And in the past day he has probably gained two pounds, which puts him at 122, a number he _really_ hates.

Luckily, the food comes before he has to really say anything. Ten minutes later, after Tucker has made a large dent in his meal, Tobias is still picking at his.

“Look baby, I know you’re tired, but you got to eat. Try and make a dent in that so I can get you home.”

Tobias looks up in surprise at the endearment, and then quickly down at his food feeling embarrassed and exposed.

Tucker gets up and moves from his side of the booth in to Tobias’s personal space. They are now sitting inches apart and Tobias focuses on his plate, feeling crowded and overwhelmed.

“I’m just not really hungry. I’m sorry.” His voice is soft, not much more than a whisper.

“It’s ok; you don’t need to be sorry. But we’re not leaving until you try a little harder. Try making the fork actually go to your mouth.”

Tucker’s voice is soothing, and his presence next to him is comforting. It slowly encourages Tobias to eat a third of the meal and drink all the milk.

Tucker then helps him into his coat and takes his hand, leading his tired body to the car. Inside the car, Tucker buckles his seat belt for him when Tobias makes no move to do it himself.

“I can do that.”

“This car doesn’t move until all its passengers are securely fastened, do it fast, or I will always do it for you.”

It’s a warning stated matter of fact, and for some reason Tobias doesn’t take offense like he might have in the past.  Something about Tucker makes his rules stick, something about his presence demands obedience. He’s seen it with med-students and interns, who follow him like lost puppies waiting for his advice, encouragement, and orders. He is a man who is used to being obeyed.

Tobias isn’t sure how he feels about that sometimes, but right now it’s nice to have someone else be in control. It’s nice to have someone to take him home.

Tucker walks him up again. He puts Tobias’s leftovers in his fridge.

He turns around sharply, and then begins opening cupboards.

“You have no food in this apartment.” His isn’t accusing, but the terse tone to his voice indicates he’s not happy.

“Yeah, I’ve been so busy; I haven’t been able to get to the store. It’s also a bitch on the bus especially now that it’s so cold outside.”

“What were you planning on having for dinner?”

Tobias feel like his answer of ‘nothing’ won’t get him to a good place so he shrugs.

“I see. Tomorrow at ten, be up and ready. I will take you to the grocery store and then we can get coffee before work.”

“I don’t think….” Tobias begins.

“This isn’t a debate, be ready or I will come up here and get you.” Tucker’s tone is firm and offers no room for argument.

“Ok.” Tobias whispers looking down at his shoes. Tucker has an amazing ability at making him feel like a small child being scolded.

He feels Tucker’s hand under his chin, lifting him into making eye contact.

“It’s alright honey, I understand. We’ll fix it tomorrow.” Then Tucker leans down and gives him a short but lingering kiss.

“Go get ready for bed. I’ll make a quick list of the essentials we'll pick up tomorrow. Add anything you want.”

Tobias gets into his pajamas and brushes his teeth before going out in the living room to say goodbye and goodnight.

As Tucker puts on his coat he asks, “What kind of food do you like best, Italian, Chinese, Mexican, or something else?”

“Um… Italian, I guess.”

“Good. Me too. I will make us reservations for Friday.” Tucker gives him a quick peck on the forehead and heads out the door.

“Lock it behind me. See you in the morning.”

That night, Tobias lies in bed after throwing up in the bathroom not long after Tucker left. He has always had a nervous stomach and the idea of a date with Tucker after too much meatloaf and sent him over the edge.

To be perfectly honest, in his twenty-four years, Tobias has been on a total of four dates, had five kisses, and one really awkward night that he assumed was sex, but it wasn’t particularly enjoyable.

Tucker is 6’1, gorgeous, and seems to be very interested if a little bit bossy. And for some reason Tobias seems to like bossy.  But the idea of Tucker finding out all of his dirty little secrets, his issues, and everything in between is making it impossible for him to sleep.

He just knows that if Tucker finds out the truth, he’ll leave like everyone else. Tobias doesn’t know if he can handle being left again.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Tobias and Tucker**

 

********

 

 

“Everybody loves peanut butter, how is that not on this list?” Tucker’s eyes roam the list he wrote the night before taking note of Tobias’s few additions as they enter the grocery store.

“Mostly because I’m allergic to peanuts.” Tobias says without really looking at Tucker as he grabs a cart.

“What?!” Tucker’s voice sounds alarmed, and Tobias looks up.

“You’re allergic to peanuts? How allergic? That’s a serious allergy! You should have told me at the restaurant.” Tucker sounds all worried and panicked.

“It’s a pretty serious allergy but not the ‘I’ll die if I am within a foot of a peanut’ kind. I have an Epipen; I would have voiced a concern if you had ordered me something with peanuts. I am a nurse, I know how to handle this.” Tobias can’t help but use the tone usually assigned to worried, annoying parents as they begin walking down the dairy aisle. One of the many voices you need as a nurse.

“Sorry. I may have overreacted; I’m not good with worry.” Tucker shrugs with an adorably sheepish smile as he grabs a gallon of milk. “Are there any other health concerns I should know about?”

Tobias looks away and responds with a quick, “No.”

“You’re lying, you said 'no' way too fast.” Tucker grabs some sliced cheese and tosses into the cart while giving Tobias a 'look'.

“I may have a few health issues, but I don’t like to talk about it.” Tobias avoids eye contact completely while continuing to push his now rapidly filling cart. Which is amazing because he's put in like two things.

“Too bad. We are starting a thing here. I want to know.” Tucker’s doctor voice is being used full throttle. Unfortunately for him, he’s talking to a nurse. Nurses have weapons against doctor voices.

“A thing? Really? So I should tell you all my intimate health details for a ‘thing’. Should I tell guy over there eyeing me, maybe we’re having a ‘thing’.” Tobias says while he picks himself out some cold brew coffee. They best way to get a man to back off is to question the relationship. Most men fear commitment. Or so he hears.

“Well if you feel the need to define this before our first real date, we can do that. Whatever. I just want to know what type of health risks you have. I want to be sure I’m taking good care of you.”

Jesus. That backfired. “No, I’m good. But it’s really no big deal. Peanut allergy, mild case of asthma…that’s it really.”  Tobias keeps the eye contact minimum. There is no good way to tell a potential boyfriend or ‘thing’ about your family’s murder and subsequent years of fighting depression and a semi-debilitating eating disorder. It does not really scream out ‘come hither’. Not that he wants Tucker to come hither. Maybe just a little tiny hither.

Tucker looks suspicious. “Do you have an inhaler too?”

No, he doesn’t, no hithering. Hanging out with a doctor is a bitch. “I have one at home.”

“At home? You should have it with you at all times. Even if you haven’t had a major attack in years, they can still happen at random. I’ll write a prescription when we get to the hospital later.”

“I have a doctor you know. My prescription is fine.”

“Really? Whose your doctor?”

“When I said doctor, I meant healthcare provider. I’m fine.” Tobias says trying to avoid the ‘whoever is free at the Free Clinic’ answer. His benefits are co-pay that he can’t afford as a second year nurse…so the free clinic is just easier. They also ask a lot less questions there.

Tucker seems to understand his answer and is now looking him over.

“Still, I want to do a physical for you sometime this week. You don’t seem 100 percent. And that cough sounds more serious than a cold. I’d hate to find out in three weeks you were walking around with pneumonia, and I never checked you out. It can be a silent killer you know.”

Yes, Tobias does know that, considering he helps treat about twenty fatal cases a year.  And over his dead body is that physical happening. But he shrugs and looks at the Ramen Noodles display. He doesn’t want to argue in a grocery store, he will totally lose. Best to avoid the topic until Tucker forgets.

“I don’t need that.” Tobias says quickly when Tucker tries to put some type of breakfast bar package in his cart.  They have like fifty calories per bite and are way too expensive.

“Why not? These things are great. Good high protein snack, and they’ll help you gain back some weight you’ve lost.”

“I haven’t lost weight.” Tobias says feeling offended. It takes about thirty seconds for him to realize that statement was a mistake.

“What does that mean? Are you normally this size?” Tucker sounds aghast and concerned at the same time.

“I just have trouble keeping weight on, the doctor says it’s common for someone…well it’s just not that big of deal. Also those are too much, I have a strict budget. And we’ve known each other for like a year, did I used to look chubby or something? ” 

“No, you didn’t…but you looked thin last winter when you got sick then you seemed fine over the summer…”

Tobias had caught a bad case of bronchitis last winter, which made him actually lose a lot of weight on accident, which led to the orange juice incident with Shirley, but it also worked in his favor. He did gain a little weight when he got better over the summer, tittering unhappily at around 130 lbs to make everyone think he was ok. Apparently it worked.

“And now you seem thin again which is why I’m thinking you’ve caught something.” Tucker is looking him over.

“Well I haven’t, I’m fine. And a completely normal weight.” Tobias is a little curt with his response trying to move forward and get past the conversation.

Tucker’s face has turned into a hard mask of concern and maybe a hint of anger. He puts the bars in his cart and then takes the cart out of Tobias’s hands, stopping him.

“We are going to finish this up in the next 30 min. Grab what you want, and I will get what you need. However much we go over your budget I will cover. This is not up for debate. And the moment we get in that car we are having a real conversation. Now let’s go.”

They quickly finish up and get in line at the checkout. Tobias has been too nervous to say anything expect a couple yes or no questions to whether he liked something or not. He is biting his lip standing next to Tucker and his cart. This shopping trip has quickly spiraled into uncharted territory.

When he moves away to grab water, Tucker reaches out and hold him back.

“You have one in the car.” He squeezes Tobias’s hand gently. “It’s ok. I’m here, and it’s fine. You don’t need to freak out or worry.”

Apparently Tucker saw the water as the escape attempt it was. Damn him.

“How much do you usually spend on groceries a week?” Tucker asks as their items are being scanned.

Tobias quickly tries to scan his brain for a normal answer.

“Um around forty dollars I guess…” He rounds up from about the twenty or thirty he sometimes spends when he splurges.

Tucker looks at him as the cashier says “That’ll be $94.76 sir, unless you have any coupons.”

Tucker hands over his card.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“What did you mean back there when you said ‘your doctor said it was normal’?”

They are now driving backs to Tobias’s apartment to put the groceries away, and their ‘conversation’ is in full swing.

His doctors in the past have always viewed his weight problem as a mixture of symptoms from his asthma medications and depression.  He always weighs a little more than usual at these appointments so they never get too overly concerned. And the Prozac did help for a while, but it cost too much…

“It’s complicated,” is what Tobias falls on while trying to think of a good lie. Limited social interaction has not helped him with on the spot situations.

Tucker doesn’t say anything but his hands tighten around the wheel.

“Ok then. Fine. Why are you only spending forty dollars on food? Where does all your money go?”

“I have a lot of student loans, and a ninety-five year old Grandma in a nursing home.” Damnit that last part was supposed to stay secret…

Tucker absorbs that information.

“Don’t your parents help out with at least one of those?”

Here they are. That impasse, where he will have to either really lie, or tell the truth…

“They’re dead.”

Wow, he went with the  true. Tobias didn’t even really see that one coming. Tucker was really taking the cake at getting information out of him.

“Oh baby, I am so sorry. Why didn’t you say something before?” Tucker’s voice went from steely to honey tone and gentle. His eyes are soft as looks at Tobias like he is seeing him for the first time. People tend to think the dead parents’ thing explains a lot about him.  It probably does if he is going to be fair.

“What happened to them?” Tucker asks in that gentle tone.

“It’s complicated.” That seems to be his new fallback answer.

Tucker just looks, waiting patiently.

“It was violent, and it’s not something I like to talk about.” Tobias sometimes isn’t sure he can form the words. Picturing your parents and eight year old sister burning to death….it’s a thing that’s impossible to articulate. Or for anyone to understand. It’s broken him in ways no one can imagine, and talking about it isn’t just something he can do. Even for a guy like Tucker.

“I understand.” Tucker manages to say it a way that doesn’t make Tobias want to run out of the car and avoid people forever. He also drops it. “I do want to do that physical today though. You’re looking pretty rough honey, and it’s been a hard winter. Let’s just make sure you’re ok.” His hand runs through Tobias’s hair in a soft, comforting manner.

Tobias is surprised to look up and see they are at his place.

“I guess we should get this stuff inside, we only have an hour or so before our shifts start, and you said something about coffee?”  Completing avoiding everything is his forte.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Luckily the moment they get to work, it’s non-stop. Flu season is a bitch. And while most people just need to go home and rest, they have to check out everyone who walks through the door.  And on a Wednesday afternoon in February, it seems to be that the whole city has shown up.

Take into account that it’s lightly snowing and ten degrees outside, has led to a small accident on the local highway with a couple of serious injuries during rush hour. By the time it’s almost 10:00pm, Tobias wants to run out the door and never look back.

But it’s 9:30pm and things have finally quieted down.  Tobias is sitting behind the triage desk doing some paper work and waiting for the night nurse that he’s going to hand his patients over to who should be there in an hour or so.

When he hears, “hey there, you doing ok?”

Tucker is leaning over the desk giving him a very sexy smile.

“Yeah, long day, but I might get out on time. So not too bad.”

“You have a minute?” 

Tobias nods, standing up. Tucker must have a patient he needs a hand with. It actually makes his stomach kinda flutter that he comes to him now to help him with patients. It’s a sign that a doctor really trusts a nurse, and considering how great of a doctor Tucker is, and the fact Tobias is a second year nurse, it’s nice. He’s also not bad to look at either, even when they’re at work.

“Excellent. I have curtain two ready.” Tucker takes his hand and starts leading him over.

Tobias is so shocked by the hand grab while at work, he follows without question. This is definitely weird and more than a little unprofessional. What is the patient going to think?

But when the step into the curtained off area, there is no patient. Just an empty bed and a gown.

“Why don’t you put that on? I’m going to grab Shirley to get some blood and take your temp. Then we’ll just to the standard tests and have you outa here in no time.”

Oh fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

The stupid physical. And Tucker has seemed to have turned this into a physical on steroids. Blood? Urine? Ok maybe not steroids. But definitely not the standard check over.

“No.”

Without even thinking about it, Tobias violently rips his hand out of Tucker’s.

He’s turning around and about to make his break for it when Tucker’s hand lands on his shoulder.

“Hold on, what’s wrong?”

Tucker moves to stand in front of him, with both hands on his shoulders, insuring that he stays put.

Tobias feels his breath quickening at the trapped feeling that’s starting to overwhelm him.

“I just…I don’t want..”

“What? What is it? I promise this won’t take long. Then we can grab dinner again. Please?” Tucker seems worried. Which is just making Tobias more nervous.  He won’t let this go.

“I just don’t want to do this. I’m tired. Let me go.” Tobias tries to maneuver himself out of Tucker’s grip.

“Hold on there, let’s talk about this a second.”

Tucker takes his hand again and starts leading his slightly resisting body to one of the empty exam rooms for privacy. He can’t help but drag his feet immaturely; he has a feeling he’s not going to win this confrontation, so best just not to have it at all.

“Hey, calm down.” Now that they’re in the room, Tobias keeps making moves toward the door, trying to get away from Tucker’s hands which are everywhere and keeping him in place.

“Look, I get it, you’re a doctor, you want to help or whatever. But I’m a nurse. Trust me when I say I’m fine.” Tobias doesn’t like how high pitched and anxious he sounds.

“You’re not acting fine. In fact, you are acting the exact opposite of fine. What’s gotten you so spooked?”

“Nothing. I said no. Let me go.”

Tucker’s face is starting to look more and more concerned.

“I can’t do that.”

Tucker sits down in the one chair in the room, and pulls the now desperately struggling Tobias toward him. Before Tobias can get away, he finds himself on a firm lap, and snuggled into some very unrelentingly strong arms.

Well fucking hell this isn’t going his way.

“We’re just going to sit here and relax a minute, and then you can tell me why a simple physical has you this upset.”

One of Tucker’s hands is rubbing his back softly, and calmly, obviously prepared to out wait Tobias.

“I’m relaxed, I’m just tired, let me go.”

“I can feel your heart beating sweetie, I don’t think so. Calm down, you’re going to make yourself sicker.”

Fuck.

Tucker shifts his stiff, angry body into a very cradling like position.  And while it doesn’t make him happy, it does make it harder to hold his un-relaxed, angry posture.

They sit there quietly for another ten to fifteen minutes and Tobias feels his heart slow, his body start to lean into Tucker.

Tucker wait another five minutes, then says “Ready to talk?”

Tobias nods his head, feeling more than a little silly. He hasn’t been held like this in years, hasn’t even been touched this much in god knows how long.

“So what’s wrong?”

Tucker shifts him again so he sitting and looks at him inquiringly.

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not going to cut it. I can wait longer. We can be here all night if you want.”

Tobias wants to scream in frustration. There isn’t a lot of ways to tell someone that you don’t want them to know your health history or how much you weigh without it making them realize there is probably something seriously wrong with you.

“I don’t want you to be my doctor.”

Tucker seems surprised by his answer.

“Why not? I mean I get why in the long run. But a simple physical has got you this anxious?”

“We haven’t even gone on a date and doctors make me uncomfortable. I don’t want things to start like that. “

Tucker looks deep into his eyes for a long minute. “I don’t think that’s everything, but I can understand that I guess. Can we go ahead if I call over Doctor Greene, and he does it instead?”

It isn’t what Tobias wants, but it appears to be the only way out without coming clean about everything. And at least he’ll have some doctor-patient confidentiality if things get too personal.

“Yeah.” His voice is soft.

“OK baby, let’s go then.”

Tucker sets him back on his feet and leads him back out to curtain two by his hand. He closes the curtain to give him some privacy.

As Tobias changes into the ridiculous gown, not at all happy, but at least having Dr. Greene will make this a little less personal and awkward between him and Tucker.

Tucker comes back in when he shouts out and “ok!” and takes the seat next to the bed. The seat usually reserved for worried parents or significant others. Tobias can’t help but wonder if that’s what Tucker is now. A significant other that is.

Shirley comes as promised, takes his temp and blood, and he does the whole bathroom pee in a cup business. He’s pretty sure they’re not going to find anything. He’s not sick. Not really physically in the way they’re looking for.

“Ok let’s get you on the scale, doll face.”

“Why?” Tobias figures feigning ignorance is the best way to play this one.

“Standard operating procedure, you know that. We gotta know how much to prescribe any medications.” Shirley is too no nonsense for her own good. Fighting this anymore is just going to clue them in.

He sighs like it’s silly, “I could just tell you, you know.”

“Uh huh.  Do it for my own amusement.”

Tobias gets up to follow her, but stops when Tucker follows.

“Sit down cowboy, some things must remain a mystery.”  No way is Tucker coming for this. He is not getting his hand on the amount of weight he’s supposed to gain, it will be a _thing._ Tobias can tell.

Shirley nods to Tucker to sit. “He’s got a point, we’ll be right back.”

Tobias is nervous as they head over to the scale. He has been eating a little more lately, but not preparing for the doctor eating. He didn’t even have the chance to down a shit ton of water. Not that he’s had to do that often, but in a pinch it works.

As he steps up, he prepares for the worst and the lecture to come.

“Hmmm, 119 lbs, that’s pretty low for a guy your size.”

Damn it. How had he lost weight?

“Yeah, I guess I’ve been a little busy and stressed lately.”

Shirley nods like that makes sense. “You’re always pretty small though. I think we gonna have to talk to Dr. Greene about ways to help you keep on about fifteen more pounds. I think that would get us all breathing a little easier. Especially that hunk over there you’ve managed to score.  He’s been anxious about you for weeks.” Shirley winks at him.

“Weeks?” Tobias says nervously.

“Oh yeah, he’s been hinting around the nurses’ station for months, but when it dropped down so cold and you started looking tiny again, he hit anxious mode pretty quick.”

Fuck. He should never have started losing weight for the chance to layer again.  And there is no way he can gain fifteen pounds and keep them on.  This is getting way too complicated…

“Well let’s head over and see what the Doctor has to say. He should be to talk to you when the tests come back.” Shirley leads him back to Tucker and he hops back up on the gurney-bedish thing. The sooner this is over- the better.

They wait together for another hour, and Tobias is starting to drift off in the bed as Tucker gently strokes his hair. Tucker is apparently a pretty physical guy, which would annoy him if it didn’t feel so good.

“Ok, Tobias, let’s go over these results. Dr. Tucker, do you minds stepping outside?”

Tobias jerks awake to see Dr. Greene pulling up a stool with a clipboard in hand. Tucker gives his hand a squeeze, and makes his exit.

“Alright then, well as I’m sure you know, I’ve gotten my hands on your medical records. And these results aren’t making me happy.  Your weight is low, again, your asthma prescription is out of date again, and you dropped your Prozac without doctor approval. I’m guessing when we test your lung function it’s going to be less than ideal too because it seems you’ve been walking around with a case of bronchitis, again. Which as you know, as the potential of turning into an ugly case of pneumonia, which would be another again for you.”

Fuck. He is sick. Well at least that explains his tiredness and shortness of breath. He’s been asleep on his feet every night for the past two weeks.

“So I’m going to write you a prescription, and you’re going to take a week off work starting today, and I am going to see you again a week from today. For anyone else, I would send them to their normal healthcare provider, but I sense you’ve been giving them the slip and the run around for a while. So you are coming back to me. We are going to get you to baseline healthy, and then we are going to start working on some of the other things here. I think you’ve been fooling a lot of people for a long time, but you’re not fooling me.” Dr. Greene’s face is serious and Tobias is starting to wonder if he should have stuck with Tucker.

“Um..I think..”

“Nope,” Dr. Greene cuts him off, “this is what’s happening, or I can get psych down here right now. I’ve got enough to get you admitted for at least 72 hours.”

Tobias thinks he might be bluffing but isn’t brave enough to call him on it.

“Ok,” he says weakly. He can figure something out later. But right now, a week off is sounding pretty good.

“Now, do you have someone to take you home?”

Tobias nods.

“Alright, I’ll go grab Dr. Tucker for you.”

Well word seems to be getting around fast.

“Hey baby, what’s the verdict?” Tucker comes in looking at Dr. Greene.

“He’s got Bronchitis again, and I’m sending him home. He also needs to gain some weight and is coming back to see me in a week.”

So much for patient confidentiality.

Tucker looks even more worried now. “To see you?”

Dr. Greene nods. That seems to be the biggest message being sent between them and that makes Tobias want to separate them rather quickly before they move on to anything else.

“Well, I’m ready to go.”

Tucker nods. “I’ll go get our coats and stuff. We’ll have to stop at the pharmacy.”

He kisses Tobias’s forehead and walks away.

“One week Tobias,” the warning is clear and Dr. Greene hands him the prescription and walks away.

Fuck.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Are you sure you’re going to be ok? I can sleep on the coach.”

“I’m sure. I’ve been sick before. I’ve got my medication, you got me food. I’m going to be more than fine. And I think we should at least go to dinner before I make you my nursemaid.”

Tucker doesn’t look very appeased but doesn’t seem to want to press him anymore.

“I’m going to call and check on you in the morning, and I’ll bring you some soup tomorrow night.”

Jeez, this guy is a worry wart.

“It’s gonna be fine. I’ll be back at work in a week.”

Tucker snorts,  but doesn’t directly argue with him. He just leans down and gives him another lingering kiss.

“We’ll watch an older Harry Potter movie on Friday. I’m assuming you have them all?”

Tobias nods, slightly in embarrassment.

“Cool, we can DVD it instead of going to the theater. I’ll bring spaghetti if you’re feeling a little better.”

“You don’t have to do all that.”

“Oh yes I do, I have waited too long to take you out Tobias Nelson, we’re keeping Friday, even if we have to stay in to do it.”

“You realize that makes no sense, right?”

“What do you know? Your brain is saddled with disease. It makes perfect sense.”

It’s Tobias’s turn to snort now.

“Ok baby, I’m gonna go.  Do you have a key I can use to lock the door behind me?”

“There’s one under the mat.”

“I’m using that and taking it with me. That’s the first place a serial killer would look.”

Tobias rolls his eyes as Tucker tucks him further in and turns his light out as he walks out of his bedroom door.

“Get some good sleep darling, I’ll check on you tomorrow.”

Tobias listens to him leave. He has a feeling they’ve just started something today. Something bigger than maybe he expected. If Tucker’s actions are anything to go by, this isn’t some casual fling.

His emotions are so jumbled. He knows he likes Tucker, but he’s not sure if he can change for him. And he’s also not sure Tucker is going to leave it up to him.

But even when he was mad at Tucker today for not letting him leave, he also felt something else- _safe_. He hasn’t felt that in a long time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Being sick was less than stellar. That was without a doubt. His chest ached and walking just around the apartment made him winded. But there was some enjoyment in not having to really get out of bed, and having a hot doctor fuss over you. Not a lot of fussing of course, but being brought chicken noodle soup and snuggly movie watching wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Not even close.

And all this shirking on his work responsibilities was not only necessary- but required. His work wasn’t exactly all fun and puppies either. There was something nice about not having to clean and prep dead body for at least a week. 

"Where'd you go?" Tucker was looking at him questioningly.

"Just tired." Tobias isn't exactly used to having someone around who likes him to be present. Drifting off is one of his coping mechanisms. Probably one of the healthier ones, to be fair.

There sitting on the couch watching some creepy show with zombies. They both like to laugh at the injuries people get up and walk away with in shows like this. And in this show the only concern is getting bit with a horrible infectious zombie disease? Yes, please spread the infected blood and guts all over yourself. No way that could end badly in a real life situation. 

“Are you sleeping alright? You look pretty tired for someone basically on bed rest.” Tucker’s concerned stare stays focused on him and ignores the herd of zombies attacking the camp on screen.

There are a lot of ways to make a new, exciting almost relationship to keep progressing. Mentioning your nightmares and insomnia? It's not number one on the list.

Tobias has struggled with sleep problems all his life, at different levels of severity. It hasn’t been a real issue these past couple years. Apparently after a 14 hour shift, sleeping issues seem to take a break. 

“I’m sleeping ok. My mind’s just been a little busy. Too much free time.” Which isn’t really a lie. All day at home, alone, it brings back thoughts and problems you’ve pushed under hours of hard work and too little time to ponder. He has ponder time, and he can't seem to ever ponder on the pleasant.

“Hmmm. Do you have nightmares or just trouble sleeping?”

Tucker can be annoyingly intuitive on reading through his bullshit. It’s a little unsettling. 

“A bit of both. It’s not a big issue. I’m resting, feet are up and everything.”  
Tucker’s eyes narrow slightly. “We both know your feet can be up for a year, but if you’re not sleeping it’s not going to make any difference.”

“I am sleeping. Last night was just a rough night. My chest is starting to loosen up a bit too, so the extra coughing kept me awake as well. It’ll get better.” 

“We’ll bring it up with Dr. Greene tomorrow.”

All of a sudden Tobias is mad. Like really mad. It surprises him how quickly the anger fills him. It's a white hot rage that makes him want to throw something. 

“If I want to mention it, I will.” His voice is terse.

Tucker senses the change in his tone and takes his eyes completely off the the tragedy still playing on the TV. 

“I don’t think it’s really a choice Tobias. You need to sleep.”

Tobias stand up rapidly and clicks off the TV. He could tell Amy was dead anyway. 

“I know what I need.” He walks away into his tiny kitchen and starts cleaning up the small dinner mess that’s still there. Tucker had made them pasta that he'd managed to somewhat enjoy. 

He is trying. Even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it. 

“Really? From what I’ve seen, it seems like the exact opposite.” Tucker has followed him and is watching him. His tone is steady but Tobias can tell he’s getting frustrated.

“Then maybe you should stop looking so hard.”

The air is tense between them as their eyes meet.

Tobias is the first to look away. 

“I just mean, I know were getting close and everything. But we’re not a we. Not about this. We’ve only been….this is new. I’m still just me.”

The anger had burned hot but went cold just as quickly. Now he was only tired and needed Tucker to understand.

“Who else do you have?” Tucker asks the question sincerely and without judgement. But it still hits Tobias like a punch to the gut.

“That’s not the point.”

“It’s exactly the point. I know it, and Dr. Greene knew it too.”

Silence follows that revelation. Apparently Tucker picked up a lot from the tension between Tobias and his new physician.

“Look, I know what you’re saying. And in a different circumstance, I’d agree with you. I normally don’t start interfering in the medical decisions of people I started dating a week ago. But I’m sensing you need this. Even if you don’t want it.”

Tobias feels himself making a face in response to that.

“Ok that’s not really what I mean either.” Tucker pauses. “You need help. And I’m helping. If you don’t want me in any other way than a friend, I’m still going to be here. I’m still dragging you to the doctor tomorrow. And I still am going to make sure he knows you’re not sleeping well.”

“You can’t decide to do that.”

“Yeah, I can. You’re my person now. Whether you like it or not. I moved here almost a year ago. I’m lonely, I need a person. I picked you. Consider yourself warned.”

“Don’t I get to pick?” 

“You've been here for years. You don’t pick, you get picked. Sorry.”

“That doesn't seem fair.” What does being someone’s person even mean?

“Sorry, life’s not fair.”

Tobias feels like this conversation took a weird turn somewhere. In this attempt to push Tucker away, he’s somehow pulled them closer together.

He drops his eyes to the floor. 

Tucker comes up close to him, and before he knows it, his face is in a warm chest. 

“It’s getting late. You should try and get some sleep. We don’t want you relapsing.”

There is that fucking ‘we’ again. The thing that started this whole weird fight. This time it doesn’t ignite the same anger. Tucker hugs him a little longer, and Tobias feels his arms raising to return the gesture. 

He feels Tucker let out a small sigh of contentment or relief. 

“I know, baby. It’s gonna get easier. It’s gonna be ok.”

Tobias isn't exactly sure what he’s referring to, but he hopes he’s right.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I think I sussed out where this is going now, so hopefully I'll do better with the updating.

“This isn’t that big of a deal.” Tobias avoids Tucker’s eyes as he goes through the motions of putting on his coat. 

Tucker doesn’t respond, but Tobias is getting pretty good at reading his face. 

His face is not happy. 

“Doctors give a recommendation. It’s not something that you necessarily have to do.”

“You shouldn’t be going.”

“My fever has been gone for 48 hours, and my breath sounds are clear. We are two nurses down, and I’m also getting low on sick days.” Tobias shoots him an exasperated look as he finishes wrapping his scarf around his neck. “And I’m going to see Dr. Greene tomorrow where he will undoubtedly give me a clean bill of health.”

“You haven’t been sleeping.” 

“I’ve had trouble sleeping. I didn’t give it up for lent.” He pulls his hat down over his ears.

Tucker had dropped by to bring him some tea before work. He unfortunately caught him getting ready to go into said work. And now was taking the time to express his displeasure that Tobias would not be taking the whole week off.

And yeah, that had been the Doctor’s order. But circumstances change.

He really can’t spend another day watching reality T.V. 

“Look. I get it. You disagree. I’ve taken your opinion under advisement. But I said I’d come in, so I’m going. I can take the bus, or…” He pauses, giving Tucker a small, hopeful smile.

“Let’s go. You’re riding with me” Tucker’s face is grim, but not angry. He doesn’t seem to do angry. Just different forms of ‘meaning business’.

Which is good. Tobias doesn’t deal with angry well.

They are quiet in the car. 

“Meet me for dinner at 6:00pm.” Tucker pulls into his space in the parking garage.

“If I can get away.” 

Tucker grabs his arm before he can make his exit.  
“Find the time. I want to make sure you’re doing okt. And I don’t want you to fall back into bad habits of skipping meals.”

Tobias feels his resolve slipping ever so slightly. Tucker’s gentle, caring tone has a way of slipping under his skin and leaving him breathless.

Even when he’s saying exactly what Tobias doesn’t want to hear. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll meet you in the break room.”

Tucker’s hand rubs lightly over his shoulder. “Don’t overdo it.”

Tobias leans back into the touch. “I’m fine.We’re going to be late.”

Instead of letting him go, Tucker takes the the time to guide and manhandle him across the seat so Tobias is practically on his lap. 

“The way you use that word makes me nervous.” Tucker whispers into his ear.

“Going?” Tobias responds softly with a cluelessness look.

Tucker lands a play swat on his hip. “You know the one I mean,” he mutters in the same hushed tone.

“I’m great then,” Tobias whispers back, a little exasperated. 

Tucker’s eyes search his face, demanding his presence in a moment he’d normally shy away from. 

He quietly stares, waiting, not giving Tobias an inch.

“I’ll be careful.” Tobias eventually concedes. 

“Thank you.” Tucker plants a firm kiss on his mouth, causing his face to heat up in response.

It’s still weird to him that someone would want to be this close to him. Even weirder that he’s allowed them to be.

Tucker entwines their fingers as they walk toward the elevator. His hand is much larger, keeping his gloved digits warm. Apparently, they are completely out at work. That’s something he would have worried about in the past, but if Tucker isn’t nervous, he won’t be.

He doesn’t have much to lose.

+++++++++++++++++++++++

The day is long, but he notices a strategic effort on the part of the other nurses. 

He seems to be getting the easiest patients. He’s monitored stitches, and infant ear-aches. And once when he was about to triage a cranky older man with chest pain, Heather practically tackled him to take it out of his hands.

It’s very kind of them to have thought about how he might be feeling. He hasn’t had real friends since he was a kid, but he feels like it’s happening here without him even noticing.

Has he changed or has everyone else?

When six o’clock comes, he makes sure to be in the breakroom with a salad in front of him. Better to be prepared than to bicker with Tucker over food choices.

He’s managed to create a facade that involves him really liking healthy food.

Which is much better than the truth- he controls food to the point that it feels good for him to slowly kill himself.

Tobias doesn’t have any illusions about his condition. He knows what it is. Hell, he even actively controls how much he kills himself.

He’s sick. The realization has been painful but necessary conclusion over the past couple of years. 

But maybe that’s why he’s finally allowed himself to go for something with Tucker. 

He denies himself so much, why deny this? It feels like a positive change. Pushing his comfort zone or something. 

He only hopes he can keep Tucker untainted by his bullshit.

“More rabbit food?” Tucker drops down in the chair next to him.

“It’s what I was craving.” He shrugs in response.

“Lucky for you, I got an extra soup. No way you would last another six hours with only that to keep you going.” Tucker pushes a bowl of something brothy toward him.

“More chicken noodle?” He makes a face in response.

“Beef barley. Here, I got a roll too.”

“You know, I can get my own food. You don’t always have to do that.”

“Says the man who had one moldy onion in his apartment before I came along.”

“I was saving it for a special occasion.” 

Tucker snorts out a laugh, but his eyes watch him closely until he start eating the soup- pushing back the mostly finished salad.

“Tobias, I didn’t know you’d be in today.” 

Fuck him and his fucking luck. 

“Hey Mark, how’re you doing?” Tucker grins at Tobias’ facial expression while greeting the man who just joins them at the table. Uninvited. 

“The nurses were short staffed.” He says, trying to not sound like he’s apologizing.

“I thought a Doctor told you to take a week.” 

“I know, but I was feeling fine. I didn’t think you’d mind Dr. Greene, especially considering we have an appointment tomorrow.”

“I guess we can have it today. Since you’re already here.” Dr. Greene takes a bite of what smells like a tuna fish sandwich. His eyes are knowing and incredibly annoying.

Motherfucker. This again. Tobias quickly ties to think of an excuse, but comes up blank. 

“Yeah, I guess that would work.”

“Then you can still relax at home tomorrow. Thanks for taking the time, Mark.”

“No problem, Andy.”

It’s weird to hear someone call Tucker by his first name. Andrew Tucker. It’s such a wholesome name. And Tucker is as wholesome as they come- brownish-golden hair, blue green eyes, ridiculously tall.

Tobias still can’t figure out why he’d want to date a short half-Korean crazy person.

But hey, he can’t complain.

“I don’t know if Toby mentioned it last time, but he has some trouble sleeping. He was pretty out of it that night so I doubt it came up.”

Scratch that. He can complain. He can complain a lot. 

“No, he didn’t mention it. But that’s something that we can talk about. Your shift ends around midnight right?” 

Dr. Greene and Tucker both eye him expectantly.

“Yes…”

“Good. I’m out a little after, and I have some paperwork to catch up on regardless. You can meet me in the clinic office.” 

Tobias fidgets, messing with the soup still in front of him, half-finished. “I’ll see you then,” he tries to not mumble like a petulant child. He mostly succeeds. 

He was actively trying to get out this appointment, and all he did was push it up.

Oh well, he is feeling better. And all the other ‘stuff’ Dr. Greene thinks he knows about- it’s vague at best.

So he’s underweight? He’s small. And stopping Prozac is perfectly normal. 

If any of his foster parents had ever forced actual therapy on him, he’d probably have a mental health paper trail a mile long.

But people suck, so luckily he still has the power. 

And he can do better. And it’s not like he enjoys having a panic attack in the middle of the night because he can’t mentally calculate all the calories he ate that day after forgetting to check a label. 

He wants to do better.

He just needs it to be on his terms. 

And if all else fails, he can mentions something about his parents. He doesn’t like to use it, but it makes people who think they know better back off really quick. 

His anxiety eases as he assess his control in the situation. He still has this. 

“Want some chips?” Tucker’s voice forces him back into the moment.

“No, but thanks.”

“Hurry up and finish that soup, I think your break is almost over.” Tucker checks his watch, and starts to clean up his own meal.

Tobias normally would have begged off and not eaten most of what he has left, but with both doctors staring, he smart enough to choke it down. He knows when to pick his battles. 

“Good, huh?” Tucker’s smile is warm as he gets up to leave.

“Yeah, it was perfect.” 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He throws up an hour later after Googling how many calories he’d consumed. 

Also, dealing with a woman who was screaming the entire time they examined her had put him on edge. Even when the other nurses are trying to watch out for him, Emergency Rooms are the breeding grounds for the unstable and damaged.

Luckily, Dr. Kober was the doctor performing the exam, and she never flinched while the woman wailed. 

It was a broken sound that cut into him in a way that was painfully familiar. And as soon as they were done, he ran into the bathroom. 

He’s heard sounds like that before.

The control he thought had has slipped ever so slightly. Making him more nervous as the night continues. 

Luckily, the remainder of the night is less eventful. He checks over a few cuts and bruises. He helps with a broken arm.

But as every hour passes, the dread builds and he can’t help but worry about whatever shit he’s gonna catch from Dr. Greene.

He should have just said no when the charge nurse called.

But he wanted to prove some point to himself and to Tucker.

Being someone’s “person” doesn’t mean anything.

He is his own person.

Tucker can’t control him. Or decide for him. No matter how good it might feel, or how strong his arms are.

He doesn’t need anyone. 

Tobias can’t help but repeat the old mantra to himself as Mark walks into the the clinic office where he is waiting. 

“So, you didn’t stay home for the week, and you can’t sleep.” Dr. Greene looks him straight on. He doesn’t seem to blink.

So much for small talk. 

“I slept some. And I was feeling better.” He sounds like a teenager. It’s amazing how doctors can make you feel like a complete idiot with zero effort. He’s a nurse for pete’s sake. He should be able to make his own medical decisions. 

“Yes, I am sure you were feeling better. But I didn’t tell you to come back when you were feeling better. I said take a week.”

“I….” The excuse dies in his throat.

“I’m disappointed. I thought we understood each other after we parted last week.”

“I think you got the wrong idea, I’m…” Tobias starts but stops when Dr. Greene puts his hand up.

“I’m going to pause you right there. I did some research and called a couple doctors in your file. I care about my patients, and you are bringing up a lot of red flags.” He reaches down and pulls up an old binder. A very thick binder.

“From what I can tell, the state failed you on multiple levels. You lacked grief support after the loss of your family, and they moved you from home to home- what looks like almost every six months. There are notes about suspected abuse in two of the homes, and the doctors I spoke to said they couldn’t discern if you were choosing not to eat, or if you were being denied food and were too scared to talk about it.”

Tobias feels his face heat up, and his heart starts beating rapidly. He picks a spot on the floor and just stares. Maybe if he wishes real hard, this will be someone else’s life.

“I think now we have a pretty good idea about that. Someone of your height and gender should weigh around 140, you are consistently more than twenty pounds under that.” He pauses waiting for Tobias to say something.

He’s silent.

“I’m hesitant to just offer you therapy and leave it there. You obviously know what people want to hear, and you’re a nurse so you’d have a good idea about how to placate anyone treating you. You are very convincing.”

“I’d talk to them.” 

“Let’s just assume we are past lying to each other. I’m going to give you two scenarios, and I will let you choose from there.” 

Tobias nods. He doesn’t have to do what he agrees to. If he just gets through this, he’s free. He just has to say whatever Dr. Greene needs to feel like he did his job. Then he can leave. He can go anywhere. 

“Scenario one, I call psych down here. I share with them all the information I’ve gathered. That alone will be enough for a seventy-two hour hold. You know I didn’t have enough for that last week when I threatened it. I promise you I do now.” Dr. Greene stops and waits for him to look up and make eye contact before continuing. “You will probably be sent to a mental health facility after the hold. You may be appointed a guardian. You will be put into a position where you’re well-being is once again- in the hands of the state.”

Dr. Greene stops when Tobias makes a distressed noise and feels himself going pale. This cannot be happening.

“I know, Tobias. I’m not comfortable with that option either.” 

“What’s scenario two?” He whispers, hating how weak his voice sounds. 

“We get Andrew Tucker in here.” 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


End file.
